*J.a.n.i.c.e* wants to be loVed

Saturday, June 18, 2005

happiness is really hard to get hold of... there are ppl who get to find happiness and will hold them tightly not letting them go... there are also ppl who get happiness but dun appreciate it at all [taking it for granted]... for me, i seem to be the one who have happiness but take it for granted... hAiZz... there are so many ppl around, if u r free juz sit down at orchard road and see the ppl walking up and down the road... you will get to see different kinds of ppl everywhere... definately!!!

well, dun really have the mood to actually write a post to blog but i felt bottled up and wanna find someplace to let out... so i think mayb blogging will make me feel better bah... everything starts from yesterday... it was a real bad friday for me... fri to me is suppose to be a looking for day and cos its gonna be weekend and i can rest and which means one week of attachment is finally over again... but somehow or another, yesterday was a bad fri... why? firstly, i woke up in the morning and i dunno wat hit me to go online and i start reading blogs... and i came across IT... upon reading IT, i began to broke down and... ... ... everything tat i had once thought was diminshed into thin air... [at first i thought tat as usual everything will be alright after a few days but... ... ...] seems lik now things are wat i have thought at first... a surprise blog i have read indeed... couldnt take it anymore, so off the com and went to ask about IT... wasnt very clear about it... didnt wanna think about it... so went off to prepare for work... i thought tat at work i would be able to drown everything down by keeping myself busy... but it doesnt work... words keeping flashing inside my head and i felt my sight blur... i held back and relax myself... managed to get over by turning my point to talking and cheering myself up... but after work, everything seems to hit back to the same point as in the morning... went home quickly took a bath ate my medicine [which make my drowsy] and dropped down on bed... only in this way i wont start to think of anything... as i lay on my bed, i was thinking how is it lik to be D.O. isnt it better as i dun have to think of anything for a period of time?? i actually asked my frens about D.O. how it actually goes... well, i understand about it... at first i thought of it but come to think of it, i m a nurse... how i can do such thing right?? as i think n think n think, very slowly, my eyes shut and i m off to dreamland within minutes...

on the same fri night, when i m in my dreamland, i actually had a strange dream... and in the dream the place where i m seems so familiar... i seems to have a dream at tat similiar place before... but the dream of mine seems very real... before i say my dream, let me say something first, i m someone who doesnt lik ppl to smoke or i should say i dislike the smell of the smoke... but a weird thing is tat, i actually dreamt tat i smoked!!! in my dreams... in my dreams i felt so STRESSed up... smoking and smoking n smoking one stick after another... the feeling seems so real... frankly speaking la, i actually had thought of trying to smoke once before cos i wanna try the feeling of it but luckily i didnt do it otherwise i think i will be a smoker by now [haha] ... but the feeling is really very real... i woke up and felt the feeling so real...

saturday!!! isnt saturday suppose to be a relaxing day hanging out and have fun... right?? nah, but my saturday wasnt spent lik tat... doesnt have the mood to enjoy... woke up 8am but i dun feel lik [so tired] went to skool for exco meeting... after meeting went to mac to chit chat wif them cos no where else to go... sat there watched Benny perform magic tricks to us... interesting indeed... was quiet fascinated by it... after tat went to compasspoint to meet my mum and bro for lunch at the soup resturant... finished lunch, went home... so restless... bathe and actually wanted to take my medicine and juz go to bed but didnt do so... came online to change my blog skin... [a ger wif an umbrella cos it raining... she is all alone, alone at the busstop waiting for the bus to come?? does she knows which bus she is going to take for different bus goes different routes... if she is to take the wrong bus she wouldnt be able to get to her destination... no one is there to guide her to board the correct bus, its only left wif herself... wif such a rainy weather [so cold]... tat place will be her world aka my world too... raining and raining and raining... ... ...]

dinner went to geylang wif my dad and bro to eat... ate dim sum... was walking around looking for food to eat, i saw a lot of those "women" along the streets... i dunno i dun understand why in singapore they dun allow these PPL to somehow exist and police going around catching them... den why do these PPL still moving around there??? really dun understand... 0oK, nvm, watever, its none of my business... after dinner came home, on the way my fingers was busy doing their work and i think my vision was very bad... everything i see is juz BLUR... dunno y... and i finally got an ans for the question... well... dun wish to talk about it le... wat will tml be lik??? can i juz sleep sleep and sleep?? aRgH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! m i still in dreamland?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? can someone pinch me awake!!!! haizZ...

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